Issue #8 November 2006

For this month of December, as many of you struggle with exams and the general end of the year rush, I hope the Blue Report gives you a moment of amusement. Take the time and read what we have to say. ;) We have the usual genre updates, patron of the months interviews plus another edition of the Rank O'Matic and the REAL story behind SW and of course, yet another OTF comic! to whet your literary appetite. Read on!

CL6 Kayana
Blue Report's OZD Editor

Who can forget such memorable and oft-repeated lines such as "He's dead, Jim", "Live Long and Prosper" and "Beam me up, Scotty?" In retrospect, after long exposure and countless jokes made about them, such lines appear corny but at the time, we were all gripped by them. Star Trek's plot has been fast and furious, about a galaxy not so far away where humanity was trying to make a new future for itself and in the process, perhaps give us new insights about ourselves too.

Where are we now? In the sci-fi community, there's been a lot of conflict over Star Trek's direction. Star Trek:Enterprise and Nemesis both took Star Trek into a grittier/darker universe and fans are divided over whether it's been a good idea or not. Regardless, Star Trek's popularity has definitely waned. With new sci-fi shows coming out, such as, for example, Battlestar Galatica, younger and perhaps more vibrant acts have been stealing away from the Star Trek fanbase. Is it over for Star Trek?

We don't know. Plans are under way for a 2008 Trek film to be directed by J.J. Abrems who's directed "Alias" and "Lost" to marked success. Perhaps the Star Trek enterprise can be turned around once again. It's been done before, so why not now? Irregardless, however, the Star Trek universe has left its mark. It's brought fans together, launched numerous new ideas and more importantly, it's opened minds. Over at OZD, we can see at least one visible evidence of ST's influence: the bringing together of the OTF community. ;) If only for that reason alone, the OZD would celebrate 40 years of Star Trek's existence.

What's in store for OTF? Well, we've revamped the TF chattop, added new avatars and have other events in store to celebrate the Star Trek universe. Thanks to everyone for contributing especially Aeon, for her avatar additions.

To all of the OTFers out there, keep on 'Trekking!

Best,
Kayana

Hey hey!

At first I was going to write "nothing happened", but then I realised that that's not what people want to read in a report like this one. Well, maybe it is when the report is written by me, because it's infinitely preferable to reading the usual tripe. But I'm not that nice, so let's get on with it so I can stop writing and you can go home.

Well, earlier on this month, Jaden's key to the armoury went missing. Of course, the usual suspects were – ah, suspected, and duly interrogated. Afterwards, a slightly-the-worse-for-wear ("I feel terrible, moan moan moan") Hobbie and a charred Osiris ("Gah, how'd she do that without an armoury! :@") were pulled away from the interrogation chamber (it used to be the Reception Room for Extragalactic Parties, but hey, Jaden's in charge now) by an exasperated Queen Demon. The keys were later found in Iain's sock drawer; he continues to deny all knowledge.

A few days later, Cynara proposed a new law to allow the cutting of trees on Kashyyyk, to make paper for books. We told her books are electronic and stored on data disks in Star Wars, but she's traditional like that. Anyway, the law was passed, much to the distress of KypDea (Ewok, remember?) and myself (smuggler, remember?). Subsequent action on the part of the two of us involved chaining ourselves to the trees to be cut down, which was described by various parties as "kinky", "reckless", and "Oh, easy dinner today!".

"But what about the garage days thing?" I hear you ask. To which I might say "Get yourself a copy of Garage Inc.!" but, for the sake of those of you who aren't heavy metal fans, won't. Instead I'll tell you some far-fetched tale involving a garage, boxing gloves, window blinds and two-and-a-half spoonfuls of sugar, which will be so boring that no one will want to read it, and therefore I'll refrain from writing it here.

Will Hobbie and Osiris ever recover? Will QD go mad with playing nurse? Is Iain's armoury-keys sock drawer the start of an entirely new fashion trend in footwear? Will KypDea and I escape from the approaching tree-cutters, predators, and promiscuous... Wookiees (insert reference to another Metallica album in here at your own risk)? Tune in next week to find out!

Clear skies! \m/

Bria Terrik
_{Senator of Corellia
Currently live from Kashyyyk - save the trees!}

Gruff, to the point, and a tad evil - November's SW Patron of the Month is the infamous yet loveable CL6 Majin Kaze! Majin doesn't respond well to threats*, so you lot had better appreciate the vast amounts (read: five minutes) of coaxing and cajoling that went into bringing you this interview!

1. Congrats on the award! How's it feel to be OTF's Star Wars Patron of the Month?
Spiffy.

2. Why do you think you won it?
I guess I’ve been a nice guy. Or I bribed someone without knowing it. I'll get back to you on that...

3. What kind of work do you do around the outpost?
I do the occasional Library work, and I lead Capella, which can be a handful with some of the minions that I have. I also like to cause the occasional mischief in OTF.

4. What's your top ambition as regards your future here?
In OTF, I'm not too sure. In real life, I'd like to complete college and become a history teacher. That way, I can become maniacal with homework. Helps to be evil.

5. What about the recent rumours that you're launching a Trivia invasion from Mandalore with your sidekick, Malum?
Where'd you hear that? I deny everything! *throws amnesia dust in your face*

6. "Majin Kaze" - where's that name from?
It’s Japanese. "Majin" pretty much means "Evil Person", and "Kaze" is "Wind". I just thought it sounded cool, and I wanted to make up my own Japanese name.

7. If you could be any character, from any book/movie/comic, for one day - which would you want to be and why?
Spider-Man. I want to be a super hero, and he’s my favorite. He has cool powers, awesome (also known as "lame") humor, and a hot wife. Sure, he's down on his luck most of the time, but so am I.

8. So - "Majin in three easy steps". Care to share them?
Step 1: Come up with some diabolic plan.
Step 2: Laugh manically about it for a while.
Step 3: Throw the plan out, and begin again.

Thanks to Majin for his invaluable insights and answers to the silly questions above, and for not sueing me for damages.

_{*except possibly ones containing the words "or else", "you", "will be" and "fired".}

Bria Terrik (CL7)
_{Senator of Corellia}

To CL4:

To CL3:

Without further ado...the ten questions!

1. Name, rank and physical location?
Lieutenant Commander Aeon (CL5). I've misread the other part of that question with 'physical condition' which reminds me that I should put on my glasses while reading this. Okay... physical location... Right now? Chrissy's hammock. She was so kind to allow it.

2. Why did you join the OZD?
I joined it by accident. Seriously. I was actually looking for Andrew Maxwell's office to get him my application for the commander-in-chief position, when another door opened and someone pulled me in. Iain, Brady and the others weaved their fingers spookily, spinned me around until I was dizzy and signed the contract. Well, I'm happy to be a part of the team, though I still think they hired me only because the Gender Mainstream Officer wanted more women in the OZD. Well, I don't care about the reason. I'm an agent and heck, I love it!

3. What do you like best about the OZD?
I guess, the artistic licence is the best thing about the OZD. You are pretty much free to decide what you want to do; there are only little boundaries if you come up with a new idea. Bring it up, discuss it with the others, and the project is done in no time. That's what I like best about it.

4. Tell us a bit more about the city you live in, what are some of your best/worst memories there? :o)
I'm currently living in Villa Las Estrellas on King George Island, Antarctica, where I got banned am spending my sabbatical. Best memory? The penguins. Worst memory? The penguins. =(

5. Favorite ST episode?
"The Best of Both Worlds". *looks around, watches the speechless crowd* Yeah, what? It's not that difficult to name my favorite episode, is it? Well, anyway... and joking aside. That episode is pretty remarkable as it was the one that started the ball rolling. Methaporically, that is. I mean, I was like 14 years old when that episode aired and it really meant the start of my "Trekker career" as it made me a fan.

6. Lucky number?
11001001.

7. If you had ten wishes what would be your first wish?
I would wish I could meet Alanis Morissette to sing a duet with her.

8. How did you find out about OTF?
It's so long ago, that I can't really remember it. It must have been around 1997 when I was looking for a German Star Trek chat. I accidentally landed on the Lucca Sambucca-Hablapucca-whatever 200 Top Trek Sites, where the Outpost was listed. Well, the rest is history. I've entered the chat, registered on the same day and stayed as a member until now (only to be interrupted by a five-year-mission leave).

9. It's Christmas time, has Brady been naughty or nice? ;)
Brady? This evil fiend who's stolen all my ginger bread on the last OTF Christmas staff party? Tss... But then again... he's been pretty nice this year. Said lovely things about me... accepted me into the OZD... Okay, it's obvious that I'm bribing here, innit? (But we all love Brady, that's fo' shizzle.)

10. Any other comments? :)
Well, I'm proud to be Agent of the Month, especially because I could fill out another survey interview. But maybe I should end this interview with some wise words like "Live long and prosper" or " etc. but honestly... I'm too busy with my twenty-six department jobs. So, I'll only say thanks for the flowers, enchantée and see ya.

Without further ado, the winner for October is...CL5 Polson for her submission of "Mr.Darcy Has Me on Speed Dial" as Dmitri's rank!

Congrats Pols!!! ;) And enjoy, Dmitri, we know you will. ;)

As for the award*+....

*The complimentary 2 peanuts will follow later

Thanks one and all for participating!!!! Now on to this month....

We have lovely CL4 Korny as this month's Rank O'Matic's participant!

Click for inspiration..:D

So go on, play the game, submit a suitable rank for Korny right

HERE.

Have fun!!!

K is for Kayana!

+As always, thanks go out to the beautiful CL5 Aeon for taking the time to make the award! Thanks Aeon!

[Enlarge comic in a new window.]

28. EXT. TATOOINE - LARS HOMESTEAD - HALF PAST MIDNIGHT AND SEVEN-THIRTY IN THE PM.

The giant twin suns of Tatooine slowly disappear behind a distant dune range - or rather, the second one does as the first one set hours ago, but hey, once you've seen one twin sunset you've seen... a sunset twice. Osiris stands watching it for a few moments, damaging his eyesight, and then reluctantly enters the domed entrance to the homestead garage.

29. INT. LARS HOMESTEAD - GARAGE (SEE - TOLD YOU).

Osiris enters the garage to discover the robots nowhere in sight, but then, the place is so full of gardening equipment and camping gear that I'm surprised he can see anything. He takes a small remote control box from his Batman utility belt similar to the one the Jawas were carrying (the remote, not the belt, it would never fit them). He activates the box, which creates a low hum (sheesh, does your TV remote hum?), and Deepio, letting out a short w00t, pops up from behind the gas barbecue.

OSIRIS
What are you doing hiding there? You better not be looking in that old chest (shifty eyes) which has nothing in it that I may have hidden for personal reasons, oh-no sireee!

Deepio stumbles forward, but Ajay is still nowhere in sight.

DEEPIO
Okay, I'm going to tell you something here, but let's get it clear from the outset that it wasn't my fault, sir Lewsie. This in mind, don't deactivate me. I mean I did, briefly tell him not to go, but he's faulty, malfunctioning, full of old Windows ME software; kept babbling on about his mission.

OSIRIS
Oh, no! (You'll note that he cottons on really quickly here, smart boy)

Osiris races out of the garage followed by Deepio.

30. EXT. TATOOINE - LARS HOMESTEAD - BIT TOO DARK TO SEE.

Osiris rushes out of the small domed entry to the garage and searches the darkening horizon for the small tripod astro-robot (is he a tripod? I mean, somedays yes, others... not so much). Deepio struggles out of the homestead, cursing stairs - and poorly jointed knees - and onto the salt flat (whoah, backtrack! Salt? Quick, let's break the land speeder record) as Osiris scans the landscape with his superdoopergreenblinkylightnightvisiongoggles.

DEEPIO
That AJ unit has always been a problem. These astro-droids are getting quite out of hand. Even I can't understand their HTML at times.

OSIRIS
How could I be so stupid? He's nowhere in sight, despite the planet being almost flat for at least thirty miles in all directions. Blast it, I thought those things could only go at three miles per hour! How long was I at dinner and musing on my depressing future in the sunset like a big-

DEEPIO
Pardon me, sir-cumference, but couldn't we... you, I meant you, go after him?

OSIRIS
It's too dangerous with all the Village People around. We'll have to wait until morning.

Octavius yells up from the homestead plaza.

OCTAVIUS
Osiris, quit mooning about, I'm shutting the power down for the night and you know what happened last time... when you fell over the edge of the homestead in the dark?

OSIRIS
All right, I'll be there in a few minutes. Boy, am I gonna get it, I may even be grounded, despite approaching my early twenties.

He takes one final look across the dim horizon, and strikes a pose.

OSIRIS
You know that little droid is going to cause me a lot of trouble.

DEEPIO
Oh, he excels at that, sir. Also, jumpstarting robotic limbs.

31. INT. LARS HOMESTEAD - PLAZA - 'S A FUNNY WORD, THAT.

Morning slowly creeps into the sparse but sparkling oasis of the open courtyard (I guess salt blew in overnight). The idyll is broken be the yelling of Uncle Octavius, his voice echoing throughout the homestead like Brian Blessed in a shouting contest.

OCTAVIUS
Osiris? Osiris? Osiris? (Oh, give it up already, you sound like my mum!)

32. INT. LARS HOMESTEAD - KITCHEN - CHOCO POPS AND BLUE MILK... LOVELY.

The interior of the kitchen is a warm glow (warm glow? On Tatooine everything is a warm glow!) as Aunt Billy Bob prepares the morning breakfast. Octavius enters in a huff.

OCTAVIUS
Have you seen Osiris this morning? (huffity, huff, huff, huffaw!)

AUNT BILLY BOB
He said he had some things to do before he started today, so he left early. Maybe he has a paper round?

OCTAVIUS
Uh? Did he take those two new droids with him?

AUNT BILLY BOB
I think so. But who can tell.

OCTAVIUS
Well, he'd better have those units in the south range repaired by midday or there'll be hell to pay and only sand to drink!

33. EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT WASTELAND - OSIRIS'S VW LANDSPEEDER - DAY.

The rock and sand of the desert floor are a blur as Deepio pilots the sleek Landspeeder gracefully across the vast wasteland. You just knew Osiris wouldn't do the driving. Little does he know, QDeepio has no license...

34. INTERIOR/EXT. (MAKE YOUR MIND UP!) OSIRIS'S SPEEDER - DESERT WASTELAND - TRAVELLING - DAY.

Osiris leans over the back of the speeder and adjusts something in the motor compartment, I think it's the nylons replacing the fan belt.

OSIRIS
(yelling)
How's that?

Deepio signals that it's fine and Osiris turns back into the wind-whipped cockpit and pops the canopy shut.

OSIRIS
Mumble, mutter, blah, blah, blah, I don't see how that AJ unit could have come this far. (You'll note my version of the script is different from the film here and I can't remember how it goes, so, answers on a postcard to... ah, stuff it, we'll go straight to this bit.)

OSIRIS
Wait, there's something dead ahead on the scanner. It looks like our droid...hit the accelerator... (tumbling over the seat into the back) No! Not that fast!

• You must be friendly
• You must be willing to contribute to the Outpost
• You must be proactive, and not sit around waiting for other peope to come up with ideas
• You must be able to take constructive criticism and look at new ideas constructively